| tell me, is somebody really lovin' you these days.. |
[22 Jul 2005|09:58pm] |
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mood |
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 awful |
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music |
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dierks bentley |
] |
i haven't written anything in a really long time.
it's been an interesting summer.
i work my ass off 24/7 and make lots of money at good ol' tory hill cafe.
long hours, long days.. but i have money.
the only people i've really hung out with so far are lindsay, katie, jamie and melissa.
apparently no one else likes me enough.
uhmm... my parents are seperated again.
my dad is living with his girlfriend.
he got paranoid i guess and searched my car and my room.
he found pot. yeah.
i pierced my nose.
i saw brian with the new girl he's hanging out with.
she's not so pretty but i'm sure alot better than me.
they probly don't fight as much.
she's probly nicer.
she probly treats him better.
she's probly a lot better girlfriend.
i don't know what i do wrong, but i bet she doesn't do it.
am i really not worth loving..?
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| HAHAHA |
[12 Jun 2005|09:59pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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you know what's really funny..
i got dumped cause i wouldn't give it up.
lmao.
bitches.
haha hey, guess what FUCK YOU.
bwhaha.
(ps-i like everyone but the person this is written too. tehe)
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| he wasn't man enough for me.. |
[08 Jun 2005|10:26pm] |
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mood |
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 damn boys. |
] |
so yeah.. graduating on 2 days. WHAT WHAT.
it's insane, i'm telling you.
basically, i'm single now.
brian and i got in a fight over the last couple days.
and now he won't talk to me at all.
i call and leave messages and he won't answer or call back.
who is imature nowwwwwww?????!!!
eff it, i really couldn't care less.
it's summer bitchhh and i am having a GOOD TIME.
thank youuuuu.
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| i'd do anything to keep you by my side |
[05 Jun 2005|04:28pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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i have been waiting for June 10th, 2005 since the day i stepped into that high school
now it's here almost here and i am depressed
i don't want to grow uppp. i want to be a kid forever and do what i want
college will be fun but nothing beats high school
stupid little crushes and slacking on weekends to go to the movies
i can't get away with that shit anymore
i'll party, yes
but in four years, i have to be an adult
ahhhhh
i am so upset.
i'm going to miss everyone so much
i'm sure i'll see the important people
it's easy to see those who are graduating too
but i'll miss chandlerrr
*sad face*
he makes me sad every day cause he talks about it
aww.
*sigh, anyways.. i got a new job at tory hill cafe
it should be good...
that equals three people, THREE.
daaaamn.
<3
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| another goodnight kiss robbed of all its passion.. |
[31 May 2005|10:16pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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DASHBOARDDD |
] |
so i don't have much to say.. except i'm STILL SICK.
and i'm sooo tired and run down.
blaaah..
and i'm not in a good mood.
leave a nice comment
cause that would make me feel better
please
thank you
goodbye.
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| i'd still pick my friends over you |
[30 May 2005|10:06am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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new found glory |
] |
ah yes.. so long since i last wrote.
soo senior banquet was a blaaaast even though my date was a big lame-o. yeah, my date was brian.. but he was being gay so he sat and i had fun. oooh well.
it's kinda strange that we're graduating soon.. i've been with this same group of kids for like 13 years and now we're all going our seperate ways. don't get me wrong, i'm excited.. it's bittersweet. i'm afraid i'll lose touch with people. everyone is going to change and make new friends and move on with their lives. weird. i know i'll love college and have a good time.. i just don't feel mature enough yet. lol. project grad will be the last time we're all together ever again.. i hate to say it but i think i'll miss high school. yeah classes suck.. but some were good. and i did like most of my teachers. it's such a comfort zone and predictable.. i won't know what to do with myself at NEC.
*sigh.. i still have a couple months to get used to the idea.
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| its a long night when no one HEARS what you're saying.. |
[20 May 2005|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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tears... |
] |
wow.
i fucking hate being the ugly friend. i do love my friends but i hate being the one that all the guys go, "vanessa you have such hott friends." do you really think i want to hear that? i love getting pointed out as the unattractive one. it really makes me feel good. i just want to scream.
i just wanna crawl into a little dark hole. it makes me feel so little and stupid and strips away any self-confidence i ever even had. i'm crying right now because i know how much it really sucks.
i don't give a shit if anyone thinks its stupid or pathetic.. you probly have no idea how it is to be that person. and i can't talk to any of my friends about it because they just have no idea.
and i'm always so scared brian will just leave me again. i want things to work out so badly. i care so much about him.
i just don't want to be me.
don't comment if your gunna be an ass.
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[14 May 2005|07:39pm] |
what a friggen week.
me and brain are great. *smiles*
i feel 4389573 times better now that he's back in my life.
i've been feeling so down and empty without him.
and he's going to senior banquet with meee!! yaaaaayyy..!!!
my lacrosse team is doing sooo good!!!!!!
we murked UNDEFEATED morse yesterday.
and is there any mention of it in the news paper? NO!
because no one will recognize any bonny eagle sports team unless they have to.
it's so shitty.. because we are such a good team. and no one knows.
we have soo much fun together
after our game yesterday we all went to alli's and had a team dinner
fooled around, played games and stuff.. it was really fun
then 8 of us all went bowling
OMG SO EFFING FUN
i did so good by the end.. i got a 130!!!
woot woot!!! haha..
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| pick up the peices that you broke apart.. |
[10 May 2005|07:08pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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94.9 baaabyyyyy |
] |
craziest fucking day ever.
where to start.....
got up, dressed up. i thought i looked cute, and my hair was soo good today. lol.
went to school, you know the usual.
steve and robbie were teasing me so bad today and latin and i really got mad.
it was just making me so angry.
so then i went to modern european history... sooo booring.
then physics. I SO GOT A 92 ON MY LAB. YESSSSSSS.
seriously... i suck soo bad at that class and i did SO GOOD.
proud much...?!
got home.. and my doggie is really sick and i don't know what's wrong.
it makes me so sad..
so i happen to pick up my cell phone. one new text message. sweet.
"you probly don't want to talk to me but i just wanted to say hi and i'm sorry" -Brian.
FUCK.
he dropped me like i was nothing, hasn't talked to me in over a month.. and then this.
what the fucking hell.
so talked a bit, he seems sincere.
naturally, i'm going to give the boy that broke my heart another chance.
i'm so lame.
then we friggen DOMINATED westbrook.
it was awesomeee.. i looove it.
so that's that.
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| it's like a thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.. |
[08 May 2005|09:21pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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alanis |
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goals for the next month er so..
1. get a date for senior banquet
2. not borrow any money from my parents anymore
3. do better in lacrosse
4. score in some games
5. get really tan for SB (well start tanning cause i'm a procrastinator and haven't yet..)
6. get my hair cut
7. try harder in my classes
8. get b's in physics and modern european history
9. get another job for the summer
summer goals...
1. make toooooooons of money
2. go to the beach as much as possible
3. hang out with jamie more
4. go to lots of parties
5. have way too much fun
6. THEN OFF TO NEC SUCKAAAAAASSS.
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| $@^%#&@#$%!!! |
[06 May 2005|01:55pm] |
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mood |
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grrr.. |
] |
WHY CAN'T GRADUATION COME RIGHT NOWWWWWW??!?!?!?!
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| we've come such a long way.. |
[05 May 2005|08:15pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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music |
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ciara- Ohh |
] |
okay, very strange week..
i really love lacrosse.. and sometimes my team. but sometimes i just feel like shit. like what people say and how they treat me. i'm just wanna scream at them. but at the same time i just want to cry because i know i suck and then it gets pointed out. makes me feel really good.
and people i thought were my friends.. apparently don't really care about me at all. i always just let things go with people. i let them talk about me because i don't wanna start stuff. when really it isn't my fault and i should stick up for myself but i don't. it's one thing to have people talking about me behind my back, but it's another to have a friend do it. and then find out i'm gunna be ditched. that's fucking awesome. thank you very muchhh.
and those kids that got into the accident and one died. it's unbelieveable to me.. i can barely even handle the thought of being that kid's mother. the rumors i've heard and how heartless some people are. how can you NOT be affected? it could have been you. your best friend could have been in that passenger seat. it just really makes you think. i didn't know anyone involved but that doesn't make it any less tragic and awful. it's so damn sad.
i feel like an idiot for this being a concern of mine.. but i bet i won't have a senior banquet date. oh, well. i want it to be someone i'll have fun with and someone i kinda like or something. but that's gay. oh, well.
laterr..
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[30 Apr 2005|08:52pm] |
soo the last few days.. let's see.
not too much that's really interesting..
yesterday my team dressed up in jean skirts, the shirts we made for the boys and those knee high socks(one white, one green). it was really cute.. then someone called me a slut. it pissed me off at first but then i laughed because she's a little bitch and it's just so funny. then we went to their game and that was really fun, i must say. then i went to jamie's condo. i drank a tooon and it was great. work up this morning to a bit of a headache and then went to my game. WE WOOON. yayy. then i came home and me and ashley we to the mall. we bought the SWEETEST shirts. they say "I <3 Lesbians." hahahaha. my parents will loooove that. bwhaha.
that's basically the excitment of my last couple days.
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| why do these tears fall.. |
[16 Apr 2005|10:06am] |
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mood |
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sick |
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music |
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my COUGHING |
] |
i am soo sick lately. thursday i was really bad, and then yesterday i thought i was a lot better. so i went to school and then practice and then work. bad idea, i thought i was going to die. and now i'm back to feeling really shitty. and i have a cold sore thinger and it hurts. i'm just a mess. blah.
i cannot wait for high school to be over.. it's sooo clooose. eeergg.
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[12 Apr 2005|08:32pm] |
i feel like crap.
my parents are having problems again. my dad doesn't come home and then they fight when he is.
it's really awesome.
oh, and i suck at lacrosse.
ok, done now.
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| i never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me.. |
[10 Apr 2005|10:47pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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radio.. |
] |
for a while i've been trying to change.. be a different person. and i was for a while. but where did that get me? in the last couple months i got rejected, dumped and then just fucked myself over. this was all on my attempt to maybe actually be reletionship worthy, to find someone i really could be with. and i thought i did find that. but who was i kidding?
so i think i'm gunna go back to being the disaster i was before. i may have been a bit more lonely, but i sure was having fun. this whole trying thing is just not working out for me.
so that's that.
haha.. my mood. lol.
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| bullshit. |
[07 Apr 2005|01:43pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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blink 182- stay together for the kids |
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this whole week really, really sucks.
we lost our basketball game.. we ended up getting second place in the league. it's fucking bullshit because the coachs of the other team were so unfair to us. loong story, but whatever.. it's finally overrr. thank god. i feel really bad for my coach though. she really deserved to be treated a lot better. i got an awful floor burn on my elbow too.. it's really nasty and hurts sooo bad.
me and my dad got in a really, really bad fight last night. well actually it was more like my dad flipping out on me and me standing there and taking it. i never say anything because he really scares me. i've never seen him so angry before in my life.. i honestly thought he was going to hit me. it all started with me saying "bitching" about something. and it turned into this huge things and basically i was a shitty daughter and didn't deserve to have anything i had. so i decided it was time for me to get out.. and then he sat on my car so i couldn't. and i made my mom make him get off and i left for a few hours. i didn't want to go back, but i had no where to go and i felt bad for my mom. so i snuck back in eventually and this morning waiting for him to leave before i even got up. of course he left me messages on my phone today apologizing but i'm so sick of this. i hate everything else that's going on in my life enough.. i don't need to feel like a failure at home too.
whatever, i quit.
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| what is it that you want from me? |
[05 Apr 2005|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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sooo my life sucks right now.
my classes are going so badly, i don't do anyyy of my work and now i'm trying to clean up the slack and it sucks really bad. cause now i'm doing all this exrta stuff on top of late stuff.. it really sucks.
and lacrosse is pretty good, kinda hard sometimes but good.
bball is almost over, i cannot waittt.
and well senior banquet is kinda coming up and i really don't think i'm gunna have a date. it's really gunna be sucky. i was excited before but now that brian is gay and randy is a scum bag. so that's that i guess.
we'll see about other things.. i just really hate getting hurt.
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| i always thought it would get easier.. |
[04 Apr 2005|07:27pm] |
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This is the song that reminds me of Becca. I totally had forgotten about it all together and then I pulled out my NFG CD today and listened to it. *sigh* i miss her.
"Sonny"
I'm sorry
I heard about the bad news today
A crowd of people around you
Telling you it's okay
And everything happens for a reason
When you lose a part of your self
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory is forever
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
But it's better where you're going anyway
I'm sorry
I heard about the bad news today
It's really hard to get through
Tough times and long days
But it really just depends on the season
For now we'll say goodbye
We know it's not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day
But it's better where you're going anyway
This is the last thing
I will remember
It's better where you're going anyway
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| you have no idea all that i would do to take it all back... |
[01 Apr 2005|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
its been a bit..
i'm just gunna write something short cause i just got home from work and i gotta hop into bed cause i have to work 7am to 8pm tomorrow. (yeah i knowwww..) not much to talk about except lacrosse is KICKING MY ASS. and i hurt all over, and i think i have a problem with my hip. hm weird.
apparently that chick still wants to fight me? i don't really know. i really hate high school.
upside of the week...?
uhm i really do love lacrosse,
and girls wanting to fight me is funny..
and scotty is cute. tehehe... and i like working with himmm...
bnadjnanjvfagskfbnsfkb
i'm sleepy..
byebye.
EDIT: Scotty is really nice and sweet. andddd he cooks some great fries. hahhahahaaa..
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